i have a short testimony to share. i was just wondering how i was going to make time on saturday to celebrate my dad's birthday and give tuition and go for service and it really troubled me. however, God made everything fall into place cos i was able to bring forward my tuition and then most likely i will be able to train soccer with my friends if they are playing. i haven't played soccer with them for 1 month plus already and we are taking part in ROMP! next week. i really lack match fitness but i am going to put in effort to train in the remaining time. not that we are that good but then cannot take it too lightly also. yup thank God for this.

it's been a really long time since i last updated. don't really know what to write online since i have a handwritten journal as well. many things happened since i ord-ed and i thought my life just started. i really enjoyed what i did. first, i went back to china to visit my relatives and i did things over there which couldn't be done in singapore, like playing with firecrackers and so on. then, i went to a special school to volunteer as a class assistant and it was then i was exposed to children with mental disorders. they gave me a really tough time at first but things got better when i got used to them and i actually missed them now. just recently, i came back from a missions trip and it really opened my eyes to the needs of the people out there. how can i be struggling with the little things in my life when there are so many people out there who need prayers and people to go to them? it hurt when i heard of parents running away and children not receiving treatment for 2 months after falling ill. but then, what can i do to help them? why is it that life can be so good for some but they don't see it and life can be so bad for others but they are contented with what they have? ARGH!

fell terribly sick this week. wasn't able to sleep well on sunday and monday nights because of the rain. stomach didn't feel too good on tuesday morning. tried to contain the uneasiness but ended up with a fever (38.6 degree celsius). took 2 panadol extra from my campmate and rested. at around 10.30pm, was told to go to the medical centre. at that time i was feeling giddy but my temperature had dropped to 37.8 degree celsius. was sent to changi general hospital at around 11.30pm and after seeing the doctor, i reached back at camp around 12.15am. my condition didn't really improve the next day and i had to go outside to see a doctor and i was diagnosed to have a stomach infection.

wed night was terrible for me. i felt like i was boiling and my stomach so very bloated because it was filled with gas. i rested on the bed the whole night, with my mum by my side looking after me. she put ice over my forehead and prepared glucose drinks for me because i didn't eat at all. she even woke me up in the night to tell me to take medicine so that i could recover faster. i didn't eat much because i couldn't. although i was hungry, my stomach was too bloated to take in any more food. that made my condition worse because more acids were produced in my stomach and everything just became worse.

i just want to thank God for my mum who was there the whole time to take care of me. without her, i don't even know whether i could have recovered. i felt so terrible that i thought i couldn't make it through. i never want to have that feeling again. a combination of headache, fever, stomach uneasiness, hunger and diarrhoea. it's really something that i don't think anyone will like to have. so far this is my worse sickness and it also shows me how much my mum cares about me. no matter how i had responded to her in my sickness, she was there all the time and thinking back, i wondered how she did that and i can only conclude that she loved. sometimes i just don't think that i treat her well enough to deserve such love from her and therefore one thing i learned from this is that love from our parents is unconditional because we are their very own. the same goes for God's love for us.

more often than not, we have so many things to do each day that we do not have the time to spend with God, either to talk to Him or to read His Word. our minds are filled with so many concerns that even when we have the time and want to spend it with Him, we are unable to hear anything from Him. somehow the different concerns that we have are speaking louder than Him and we end up thinking that God does not speak to His people anymore. also, there are times when we miss out on what God wants to speak to us about because we do not know how He sounds like. He speaks in different ways at different times in different places. we become so confused because of the presence of other voices around us and we make things worse when we rush into things without first seeking Him, asking Him to help us to make the decisions that we have to make. sometimes, we choose not to listen to God when what He speaks does not agree with what we want to hear. usually, this happens when we want to do things our own way but He wants us to put aside our plan and obeys what He calls us to do.

for me, i guess there are many times when i chose not to listen to what God says and did things the way i thought is best because i was prideful. i trusted in what i could do more than what God could do through me. i did not give Him control over my life and i ended up worse than i was before and also hurting the people around me. there's one thing that i have found out. we are more likely to do the wrong things when we are tired physically and mentally. therefore, when we know that we are tired, let us not listen to our own voices but let us spend some quiet time and be still before God so that He is able to grant us rest and show us the way to go. God will never leave us alone because He is a faithful God.

i am back!
not that i will be blogging a lot but i guess i will just leave the blog here so that i can share with you guys more about what is going on in life. things are getting really exciting for me. not what i had expected in the past but even greater. God is bringing me through different things right now and i really hope to be able to be more than a conqueror in all these so that He may get all the glory at the end. yup.